Many of us think decision fatigue comes from the many choices we make each day. But a hidden reason for tiredness is the people around us. Certain relationships drain your mental energy, making you use your cognitive resources on interactions that don’t really help. By learning to spot these patterns, you can regain focus and clarity.
Tell me if you know anyone who fits one of these profiles.
1. The chronic “Over-Asker”
These are the individuals who constantly require input on every minor decision. “What do you think of this text?” “Should I send this email now or later?” “Could you take a look at this?”
- Telltale behaviors: They outsource their decisions to you, shifting their mental load onto your plate.
- Drain on Energy: Each small request forces you to engage in decision-making that isn’t yours to own. Over time, these small decisions accumulate into a sense of fatigue.
2. The “Drama Generator”
These are people who thrive on causing conflict or fabricating crises that aren’t real.
- Telltale behaviors: They exaggerate problems, gossip, or pull you into emotional roller coasters.
- Drain on Energy: You waste mental effort deciding whether to engage, defend, or simply ignore the chaos. Emotional noise competes with rational focus, leaving you mentally depleted.
3. The “Victim”
They present every situation as something that happens to them, never through them.
- Telltale behaviors: Complaining, helplessness, and constant requests for sympathy without any effort to change.
- Drain on Energy: You’re left deciding how much to support them without being consumed by their negativity. The mental tug-of-war between compassion and boundaries eats away at your clarity.
4. The “Indecisive Colleague”
We all know the teammate who keeps circling around the same issue without ever resolving it commits.
- Telltale behaviors: They need five meetings to decide what could have been resolved in one.
- Drain on Energy: Their paralysis forces you to revisit the same choices repeatedly, doubling the decision load instead of resolving it.
5. The “Boundary Pusher”
These are the people who don’t respect your time, energy, or priorities.
- Telltale behaviors: Unannounced calls, last-minute requests, or “just one quick favor.”
- Drain on Energy: They interrupt your mental flow. You spend energy deciding whether to comply, defend, or risk upsetting them.
How They Drain Your Cognitive Energy
Psychologists like Daniel Kahneman have shown that our decision-making resources are finite. Being around the wrong people is like an app running in the background on your phone; they quietly drain your mental battery without you noticing.
Like on your phone, you need to know who is taking up your time and energy. Look for the profiles I’ve described, or notice your feelings when certain people approach you. Do you dread running into some people?
You should limit the time spent with these decision-drainers. You don’t have to be rude; just find ways to reduce the time you dedicate. Instead, surround yourself with people who help simplify, clarify, and strengthen your decision-making, not those who make it more complicated. When you reduce the noise, you give yourself back the freedom to focus on decisions that truly shape your life and future.
