Words can create mental frameworks in our brains.
Consider these two statements:
- “I have so much work I don’t know what to do next.”
- “I’m going to triage my work and focus on only the most urgent items.”
What mental pictures did these create in your mind? The first is probably something of chaos implying a victim stuck in indecision. The second may be a orderly list and suggest a plan of action.
The language you choose doesn’t simply narrate your decisions; it builds the mental framework that shapes them. When you’re faced with a challenging decision—whether in business, relationships, or everyday life—how you describe the situation with language can create opportunities or erect invisible barriers.
If you ever feel stuck, overwhelmed, or endlessly postponing a choice, take a moment. Your language may be obstructing your progress more than your reasoning is.
Let’s examine how your words can either foster clarity or deepen confusion—and how you can adjust them to change your mental framework.
Number 1: “I have to” vs. “I’m going to”
— Taking ownership is the first step.
When you say, “I have to attend this meeting,” you imply an obligation that strips away your control. Instead of driving your decisions, you become a passive bystander to circumstances.
By saying, “I am going to attend this meeting because…,” you shift the context and assert your agency. Even if the meeting is mandatory, this change reminds you that you still govern your values, time, and perspective.
Language Upgrade: “I will…” “I’m deciding to…” “This aligns with…”
Number 2: “I can’t” vs. “I’m not willing to”
— Authentic honesty brings clarity.
Saying, “I can’t take that project,” often implies a false limitation. In reality, you might be fully capable, but reluctant to make the necessary compromises.
Instead, try, “I’m not willing to take on that project because I need to focus on my current work.” This phrasing is clear, confident, and signals that your choices are driven by principles rather than imposed pressures.
Language Upgrade: “I’m not available for that right now.” “That’s not a priority I’m choosing at this time.”
Number 3: “I don’t know what to do” vs. “I haven’t decided yet”
— Uncertainty often hides the fact that you still have control.
Sometimes, what feels like indecision is less about a lack of options and more about not granting yourself permission to choose.
When you say, “I don’t know,” you relinquish your authority. By contrast, saying, “I haven’t decided yet,” reinforces that you still hold the power to make the decision—you’re simply taking time to reflect.
Language Upgrade: “I’m going to think this over before I make a decision.” “Let both of us get more data or information before I decide.”
“The words you use don’t just describe your world—they decide it.”
We just explained the do-it-yourself version. But some really smart people have already done this work on the most common problems and decisions. We’ve assembled the mental frameworks that are most needed by high-powered professionals in one place for you.
Join the waitlist for my upcoming book, “How to Think Smart,” and be among the first to unlock these valuable insights!
